DriveThru
by Zim'sMostLoyalServant
Summary: Oneshot. Going to get fast food should be an easy task. But since when has anything ever been easy for Zim?


**A/N: Okay, so writer's block on the new GA chapter hit me at the same time as this plot bunny did, so maybe this'll hold you all over while I work on the chapter.**

**The idea for this came to me while watching (for like, the millionth time) the hilariously funny movie "Dude, Where's My Car?" There's this one scene that I absolutely love, and when watching it this time, I suddenly thought: wow, I could so see Zim in this situation. So, I figured I'd write it out.**

**Disclaimer: Invader Zim and all related characters belong to Jhonen Vasquez. This story is inspired by a scene in "Dude, Where's My Car?" which belongs to 20****th**** Century Fox.**

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** Drive-Thru**

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Zim tapped his fingers on the armrest of his chair while watching his latest experiment in progress; an opossum was strapped into a centrifuge, which was spinning at a ridiculously fast pace. After writing something down on a notepad, Zim then turned to a small touchpad console attached to the side of the chair and typed in a command. In response, the centrifuge began spinning even faster, and faster, and faster, until…

_SPLAT!_

The unfortunate opossum went flying out of the centrifuge and slammed into the shatterproof observation window separating it from Zim. The Irken grimaced slightly at the mess, then shrugged and wrote something else down on the notepad.

"Uh, master?" the computer asked, "What is the point of this experiment again?"

"Silence computer!" Zim shouted unnecessarily loudly, "You do not comprehend the brilliance of Zim!"

The computer would have rolled its eyes if it had any; that was the same response he had given when it asked why he was launching chickens into orbit.

"Now, clean up this mess," he ordered, before shouting over his shoulder, "GIR! Bring me another test subject!"

Silence answered him.

"GIR?"

Turning the chair around, Zim found to his only slight surprise the reason why GIR wasn't responding; the insane SIR unit's attention was focused squarely on one of the computer screens, which had been set to its TV function and was currently airing the Scary Monkey Show.

"That monkey," Zim muttered under his breath, making a mental note to get rid of the irritating primate once he managed to take over the planet. Maybe he'd launch it into a black hole… or better yet, lock it in a really small cage with Dib and see if they fought each other to the death.

Yeah, he'd probably go with the second idea.

"GIR, turn off the TV and get me a-"

However, before Zim could finish his order, the TV suddenly switched over to a commercial for Krazy Taco. Eyes widening in horror, Zim quickly hit the off button, but the damage was already done.

"Tacos!" GIR shouted happily, running around in excitement. Waving his arms and repeatedly shouting "Tacos!" over and over again, he ran towards the wall, then _up_ the wall, across the ceiling, and then back down the opposite wall in order to repeat the process. Zim, whose eye was twitching, took a deep breath to calm himself and waited for GIR to run by him again. When he did, Zim quickly grabbed him by the antenna and lifted him off the ground; the little robot continued to run in place, completely oblivious to the fact that he wasn't going anywhere.

"GIR," Zim said slowly, "Calm down and listen to me _very_ carefully."

Unfortunately, before he could continue, GIR twisted in his grip and grabbed him by the sides of his head, shaking him excitedly.

"Tacos, tacos, tacos, tacos!" he shouted.

"No, GIR," Zim said firmly, "No tacos. I'm very busy, and we don't have time to waste on that human filth."

"But, I want tacos," GIR said, whimpering slightly, "I _need_ tacos, or I'm gonna s'plode!"

"No."

GIR's eyes began to water – Zim really needed to look into how that was possible – and seconds later emitted a high-pitched wail.

"WAAAHHHH!" he cried, tears streaming down his metal face. Zim dropped his robot and grabbed at his antennae.

"GIR! Cease this crying at once!" he ordered.

GIR ignored his master, continuing to cry pitifully. Zim grit his teeth in an attempt to block the noise out; he didn't care how badly GIR cried, he was _not_ going to waste his valuable time buying human food for a robot with the attention span of a fruit fly. No way, not happening, not a chance.

XXXXXXX

"Stupid robot," Zim muttered, adjusting the beard of his "Old Man" disguise. When GIR had refused to stop crying after ten minutes, Zim had given in and agreed to get him stuff from Krazy Taco. Now he piloted the Voot down the street, making sure to hover low to the street in order to back up its disguise as an ordinary car – said disguise being a few beaten up tires crudely attached via tape, nails, and gum to the sides of the ship.

Deciding to get this annoying chore out of the way as quickly as possible and limit his exposure to the humans, Zim "drove" up to the drive-thru speaker box, which was designed to look like a taco wearing a sombrero.

"_Hola! Welcome to Krazy Taco,_" the speaker box asked in a badly accented voice, "_What would you like today?_"

Reaching into a pocket, Zim pulled out the list GIR had quickly written down of what he wanted.

"Yes, I'll have three bean burritos and five enchiladas."

"_And then?_" the speaker box asked.

"A large classic Poop Cola, preferably with one of those collector's tops."

"_And then?_"

"I'll also have a children's taquito meal with a toy… I don't know _why_ GIR gets those things, he just ends up eating them once he gets bored."

"_And then?_"

"And then… uh, wait a minute," Zim trailed off and raised a nonexistent eyebrow at the bottom of the list, which read, "AND A HEADLESS CLOWN IN A CHICKEN SUIT."

"No, I think that's about it," he said, crumpling up the list, "You may give Zim what he has asked for now."

But all the speaker box said was, "_And then?_"

Zim blinked in surprise, and then said, "Do you have the ear worms? I just said that I was done ordering."

"_And then?_"

The Invader chuckled to hide his annoyance, and then with a strained smile said, "And then… and then you can put the food in a paper bag and give it to Zim, who will give you monies in return, because I'm done ordering."

The speaker box then asked in a mocking tone, "_Aaand theeeeeen?_"

Zim gripped the side of the Voot angrily as he leaned out of the cockpit to glare at the speaker box.

"Listen! Zim refuses to play your fast food mind games, dirt-monkey!" he snapped.

"_And then?_"

"NO! No 'And then'!"

"_And then?_"

"No 'And then'!"

"_And then?_"

"No 'And then'!"

"_And then?_"

"No 'And then'!"

"_And then?_"

"No 'And then'!"

"_And then?_"

"No 'And then'!"

"_And then?_"

"NO! No 'And then'!"

"_And then?_"

Zim was seething with anger by this point, his fingers having long since clawed grooves into the side of the Voot.

"Human, you are really starting to get on Zim's last nerve!" he snarled.

He could just imagine the sneer on the face of the human operating the speaker box as it once again asked, "_And theeen?_"

"And then," Zim seethed, going nearly black in the face with anger, "I'm going to come in there and rain fiery doom down on your filthy head of meat and hair IF YOU SAY 'AND THEN' _AGAIN!_"

There was silence for a few moments, and Zim leaned back into his chair as he took a few calming breaths – at which point the speaker box tauntingly began shouting, "_And then?! And then?! And then?! And then?! And then?! And then?! And then?! And then?! And then?! And then?! And then?! And then?! And then?! And then?! And then?!_"

Zim's eye twitched so hard that the contact in that eye popped out. Now one hundred percent ticked off, Zim reached towards the control console and brought the Voot's weapon systems online…

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"What happened to you?" the computer asked, as Zim entered the base, his clothes tattered and smoking slightly.

"I don't want to talk about it," the Irken replied, dumping the food he was carrying onto the floor, where GIR promptly began inhaling it. Shrugging off his disguise, Zim then walked over to the couch, collapsing into it with a sigh of relief.

"Aren't you going to head back to your experiment?" the computer asked.

"Eh?" Zim blinked, for a moment not knowing what the computer was talking about. Then he remembered and waved it off, saying, "No, after what I just went through, I think I just need some time to relax."

That said, he picked up the remote and turned on the TV… just in time to catch a commercial for MacMeaties. Hearing a squeal of excitement come from GIR, Zim groaned and sank into the couch.

He had a feeling that this was going to be a _very_ long day.

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**The** **End**

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**A/N: Well, this may be short, but it was pretty fun to write. I should do humor fics more often. Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed, and I will try to get the new GA chapter up soon.**

**Read and review!**


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